Making a fool of myself at the company Christmas party.

Why is it that sometimes when I'm nervous my mouth engages before my brain? I swear I could have died of embarrassment tonight.

Here I am trying to make a good impression on the company that I'm working for as a temp-to-hire. This is a Christian based company which means that I'm totally trying not to swear all day long. (It must be working because tonight I was talking to Haldor and I said "Goll" instead of "God". He turns to me and said "Did you just say Goll?)

Haldor and I attended my company Christmas party. I don't like crowds. I feel very nervous around people I don't know. What I usually do when I'm going to be thrown into something like this is take a Xanax. Tonight I forgot the Xanax and I'm kicking myself and don't even want to show my face at work tomorrow.

What happened, you ask? Well, they opened the party with a little intro and then said it's tradition for the new employees to introduce themselves and anyone they have brought with them. And with that.... he shoves a fucking MICROPHONE in my face.

And what do I say, you ask? I don't really remember other than I say OUT LOUD that had I known I was going to have to speak that I would have taken a Xanax before I got there. There were some laughs but I think they were nervous laughs. I'm sure people were saying "Did she just say that?"

Later one of the gals came up to me and said something about me taking a Zantac. No Patty, I don't have heartburn, I have social anxiety.

I said something to my bosses wife (she's also a co-worker) that I wish I would have been warned. She said I probably would have made myself sick all day knowing. I suppose I would have but I would have at least been a little prepared.

I'd really like to just forget the whole thing happened. I also hope that this doesn't ruin my chance for permanent employment. Maybe I'll just be forever known as the girl with the heartburn.