Trying to land a job on five hours of sleep and a fuckload of frustration.

Yes, another bitchy post for yours truly. I need to do a little venting this morning because today is an important day for me. Hopefully if I can get this all down into little words on my little laptop screen I can then pull my shit together and make it a great day.

I am going in for a second interview today. It’s not a job that I really want only because it’s not really suited to me. But at this point I’m getting worried. I’ve been told that the longer I am out of work, the less valuable I am to a potential employer. It’s been two whole fucking months and I just need to get my foot in the door, somewhere. Anywhere.

I bought some new clothes yesterday for my interview. Everything is washed and ironed. I also got my hair colored so the gray is gone and hopefully I won’t look like some old gray haired lady. They are having three of us come back for a second interview then will choose two to come back for a personality test. If I am lucky enough to be chosen and even if they love me, if I don’t pass the test, I won’t get the job. Talk about some pressure here. I don't even know if I have a personality anymore.

I went to bed at midnight last night thinking that I could sleep until 7:30 and have plenty of time to get ready. My interview is at 10am. I figured I would look well rested with seven and a half hours of sleep. I also forgot that my curling iron broke and I didn’t replace it. Now my options are down to straight hair or really wild, curly hair. I guess I’m going for straight because I read once that you shouldn’t go in an interview with wild hair.

Normally when Gunnar leaves for work I don’t even hear him. And usually when I am woken up in the morning I can fall right back to sleep. This morning I hear him in the kitchen and the light is on. My bedroom door was cracked slightly so I could see a little bit of light. No big deal though, right? Then at 4:59 he goes out and starts his truck right under my bedroom window. I normally don’t hear his truck either but this past weekend he put some nice, loud mufflers on his truck. And of all mornings he chooses this morning to let it warm up a little. Okay, once again no big deal. I’ll just stay in bed and relax.

Oh no…. not happening today. Kjersti has once again forgotten that she is THREE FUCKING HOURS AHEAD of me and decides to send me a text at 5:15 am telling me she will be home next week. The thing that pisses me off about that is that I think in the past month she has sent me that same text about five times. I told her before she went to Michigan and was having problems with David that I understood her decision to go there but didn’t want to hear the day to day bullshit drama. If she ever decided to come home we would all be here for her. So, is this text another hoax or is she really coming home? And could she not have waited a few more hours to tell me?

Since the kids have grown and I’ve gotten my divorce I feel like I’ve taken two huge steps forward in my life. Everything was going so well. Now I feel like I’ve taken a step backwards and it frustrates me. I always said that she would not be living with me again. I don’t know why I said it because I would be a really bad parent if I let my daughter and grandson be homeless. Of course, she does have a father and he has a home as well. The only problem with that is Haldor would have to suffer.

I know that none of this is making sense unless you know me or have read back from the beginning. The bottom line is; I need my own space and my sanity can’t handle living with a four year old again. I think I just saw my sanity fly out the window. I’m going to a job interview on five hours of sleep. Hopefully if I get this job I will at least have somewhere to go each day.

Despite what I said, I’m getting Kjersti's day to day drama. And so is her poor brother Haldor. We have both told her to either buck up and stay or come home, get a job and get on with her life. She continues to ask us the same advice and we continue to give it. I don’t need the drama and I certainly don’t need it today.

Update: It's 6:43am and Gunnar just sent me a text asking if I will throw his sheets in the wash. WTF? Is it too late to put these kids back where they came from?