I'm not dying yet but I suppose it's only a matter of time.

I went to the oral surgeon today. He tells me I'm not dying. He said the same thing my dentist said; they are benign spots that could be caused by stress. He gave me an antibiotic oral rinse to use 'just in case'. If there are any changes I'm supposed to see him again.

I realized today that the pain I'm experiencing is TMJ. I've dealt with it years ago when I had four kids under six years old. (Another stressful time in my life). It bothers me from time to time but this time my jaw is not clicking and popping. It's just really tight muscles.

Today I am anxious, nervous, jumpy and grumpy. I'm also feeling guilty and I'm trying to not let it get the best of me. Kjersti and Aydan have been staying at my house. They are leaving next Wednesday for Michigan. I have only stayed there two nights since she has been there. It's just that I'm a little stressed right now and hearing Aydan say my name five billion times in one hour does not help the muscles in my jaw. He wakes me up at 7am to tell me it's time to get up while his mother sleeps until 10am. I feel guilty that soon he'll be gone and I don't have the mental stamina to hang with them until they leave.

I have gone to the store twice to buy groceries. They run my dish washer daily and loads and loads of laundry. I'm not rolling in the dough right now and having them (and Gunnar) is costing me. Kjersti and Gunnar are trying their best to keep the house clean but we all know that it will never be clean to my standards. My house feels so dirty right now that I want everyone to leave so I can start scrubbing it from top to bottom.

Gunnar is all bummed out that he's not working. Kjersti is a mental case and is crying every time David calls from Iraq. Her whole life revolves around his daily phone calls. And poor Aydan? He just wants to go to the park!

So here I am, the shitty Mother and Grandmother sitting at Jeff's house in peace and quiet trying desperately to hold onto my sanity.